


she tastes like summer

by lilevans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: F/M, High School AU, Muggle AU, Pining, also the drunk scene is probs my writing at its finest omg, band au, james is an idiot and doesnt realise shes writing abt him, she names her guitar, sirius and remus see through everyones shit, they talk about green day and mcr and she has better taste in meme songs, this is probs shit but i hope someone likes it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 18:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15125243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilevans/pseuds/lilevans
Summary: he forgets to breathe when he's around her.//jily + high school band au.





	she tastes like summer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/gifts).



> title song is she tastes like summer by spilt milk society, honestly a JAM. a whole playlist is [here.](https://open.spotify.com/user/phoenixintheashes/playlist/3x6aEKWeVtSEXSruyf5nh3?si=pKJjSCVDTciWFiTzCRXWUw)

He forgets to breathe when he’s around her. Sirius kicks him in the shins to get him to pay attention. Remus fixes him an all-knowing smirk. James just pretends that he hasn’t been burning holes into the back of her head. Although, he supposes, that sometimes in the sunlight, her hair already looks alight. Peter follows his gaze and just nods, because _of course_ he’s looking at her again. As if he’s ever looking anywhere else.

//

She’s known how to play guitar since she was little, and by the time she’s sixteen she knows the curves of her guitar better than she knows the contours of her own hand. In her head, its name is Randy, and it’s been a companion since her eleventh birthday.

He starts playing drums when he turns eight. He’s always been in trouble for being too active, disobeying the world and doing his own thing, wandering off. So his dad first tries to get him into football, then piano, then guitar, but all he wants for his eighth birthday was a drum kit. So his parents soundproof the studio out the back of the house and get one for him. He never looks back. There’s something in it, the beats, each hit. The music he can create with other people and share with the world, and it finally feels that there’s a place to put all that energy.

Together, they would of course, be a deadly combination.

//

He’s always sort of noticed her. The vibrant hair, the freckles, the sunny eyed girl tumbling down the hill with her friends and hiding out in the band room plucking at guitar strings. He’s always sort of liked that.

He doesn’t really get to _know_ her, however, until a twist of fate throws them together. Fate, of course, being Marlene. First day of term in September, senior music class, McGonagall has them get into groups of five. Sirius and James are obviously partnered, they don’t even make eye contact. Instead they gravitate just that little bit closer to each other, and Remus knows that he’s with them from the glance James gives him. He nods. Marlene, who’s dragging Lily by the arm, wanders over to them and punches Sirius in the shoulder. She greets him with the mumbling of _tosser,_ and Lily smiles at everyone in her sunny-eyed way. Sirius crosses his arms and rolls his eyes as James’ jaw hits the floor.

“God, _another_ class with Black? I thought film was bad enough,” Lily rolls her eyes, but she’s smirking.

“I look forward to pissing you off in this class too, Evans,” Sirius drawls, and takes a dramatic bow of greeting, and she snorts.

“Behave, you two,” Marlene hits Lily in the shoulder with the back of her hand, and they laugh.

“I swear, Lily, you’re lovely until someone puts you in a room with Sirius,” Remus, who’s had lit with Lily for the past twelve months, remarks.

“God yeah. The three of us have film together, and boy…” Marlene trails off and rolls her eyes. “They have the stupidest arguments I swear to _god-_ ”

Lily and Sirius both look indignant at this comment.

“Exc _use me-_ ” Lily starts, but not before Sirius begins whining “It’s _not_ my fault that she thinks My Chemical Romance are overrated-”

James snorts. “No fucking way they are, they MADE music,” He cuts in and crosses his arms. Lily looks up at him and fixes him with a glare, which is intimidating even if there’s nothing malicious behind it.

“I think you’ll find Green Day did that, thank you very much,”

Even Remus looks shocked. “ _That’s_ a brave thing to say,”

Lily rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “You _do_ realise that Green Day inviting My Chemical Romance to be their supporting act is how they got famous in the first place?” Her eyebrows are quirked, and James shuts his mouth.

None of them have an adequate response to her, so Marlene just high fives her. She’s filled with satisfaction at this, grinning at the fact that she knew something Music Prodigy Potter didn’t.

“Are you all in your groups?” McGonagall asks, and the five make eye contact, before nodding.

McGonagall looks around the class, where 4 groups of 5 have been messily thrown together, teenagers shuffling to whoever they think they won’t hate, or at least, who they’ll hate the least.

She nods approvingly. “Good. I hope you are confident in your decisions, because you will be working with these people for the remainder of the term.”

Sirius flicks Lily’s back and she turns around to give him the bird. James smirks.

“It’s gonna be a long term,” Lily mumbles. Marlene face palms in agreement as Sirius flicks lily again.

“Your project will be to work as a unit to perform two songs at the performance night at the end of term. One must be a 3-4 minute original piece, with each member contributing in some way. Lyrics are not necessary but encouraged. And the other must be a cover of any song you choose, and you can be as creative as you choose with the piece, provided you give me the original sheet music for me to approve.” She looks at them with her piercing eyes, and Lily feels a rush of excitement at the idea of _creative freedom._

McGonagall softens. “Today can be spent getting to know your group members and what each can bring to the performance. Oh, and remember; have fun.”

//

James doesn’t stop thinking about that first class for the next two days, about her smile as she quips at Sirius and Marlene scolds them, the notes she was scribbling all the way through class, as the five of them talked, as if she was trying to memorise the little things about each person in the group. He hopes she likes him, even though that’s completely stupid, he’s stupid. This is a stupid music project that will be over quickly and he really shouldn’t care what Lily Evans thinks of him. (However, this doesn’t stop the fact that he _does.)_

They’re laying by the oak tree near the music rooms, Sirius’ phone is tossed into the middle of the group and is playing Weezer’s _Buddy Holly._ Remus’ eyes are closed as he leans against the tree trunk, Sirius is lying on his side like a model, Pete yawns and bops along to the beat. Sirius mumbles something about “Ginger incoming,” James props himself hurriedly and Sirius rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Got a Problem, Black?” She asks, clearly walking to the music rooms. There’s a smudge across her hand from writing and and a notebook is clutched in her hands. Not that James notices.

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Peter says to her. “He’s still a wanker,”

Lily laughs melodically. “ _Fake Smiles and Nervous Laughter_ is easily their best song,” she remarks after another moment, her grip on her books loosening slightly.

James shuts his mouth and forgets that she’s talking about the song. She glances at him, throwing him a _stop fucking looking at me, you weirdo_ expression before looking back at Sirius as he speaks.

“And did anyone ask for your opinion, Ginger?” he asks, propping himself up with his arm.

“Sirius, fuck off, you’ve been saying the same thing for months,” Remus says, without opening his eyes.

“Suck a dick, Remus.” Sirius looks back at Lily. “You’re right though. Jim here just won’t listen to reason,”

“You’re all just uneducated shits,” James retorts, and Sirius whacks him. Lily’s gaze snaps towards him and she raises an eyebrow.

“What did you just call me?”

He only smirks, never breaking eye contact. “You heard me,”

He leans back a little, gaging her reaction. She huffs a little, but the outline of a smirk is on her parted lips and he silently dares her to smile.

However, she doesn’t, and instead pointedly looks past him and at the book in Remus’ lap. She’s forgetting that she’s supposed to be meeting Marlene in the music room. Talking to them feels infinitely more fascinating.

“Are you enjoying the book, Remus?” She asks, and he opens an eye.

“Yeah, of course.”

Sirius snorts as they begin talking about _The Great Gatsby_ and Pete yawns again, but this time, to make a point. “Wasn’t one of them gay?” He asks.

Sirius lays back down. “Nick wrote an entire fucking book about Gatsby, so yeah, I’d say he wanted to root him, for sure,”

“I thought you were too cool to read, Black,” Remus deadpans, and Lily and James both laugh.

Sirius mumbles some indignant response but doesn’t really seem that bothered. Lily can feel James’ eyes on her and she pretends not to notice as Remus talks about the book and Peter asks questions about it and Sirius rolls his eyes and pretends not to care. Until she can’t anymore.

“Do you have a problem, Potter?” She asks, eyebrow raised. Her eyes lock with his and they hold it for a moment. She wonders if his eyes have always had that much green in them.

He breaks eye contact and looks down, the grass suddenly becoming interesting. “Have you and Marlene been working on lyrics for our song?” He asks, instead of answering.

“Sort of. We’re still trying to work on ideas to write about,”

“Write about how cool I am,” Sirius says.

“Fuck off Black,” Lily quips back.

“Nah, he’s onto something,” James’ eyes light up with a cheeky sort of flare, enchanting and ridiculous. “We might need a theme song, the way they do in the movies when they’re walking down the hallways. Or like, for when we do anything awesome, like Indiana Jones.”

Lily raises an eyebrow. “Indiana Jones? I would have thought _Fast and the Furious_ was more your speed,” She says. Remus laughs at the pun.

“Nah, he actually really likes Nancy Meyers films,” Peter chuckles. “ _Something’s gotta give_ is his absolute favourite,”

“PETE! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TELL,”

She sits down and accidentally spends the whole break talking to the four of them about everything and nothing.

//

She starts spending more and more time with them without really realising anything has changed.

She joins them in study periods and ends up dragging them to the café around the corner (Spilt Milk) after school for hot chips and the best caramel thick shakes. Sirius and her fight like siblings and Remus always takes her side, and James pretends not to be phased when she quips at him. Pete and Lil end up sharing the chips between them and the other three are visibly surprised that he likes her enough to share his food.

Her insides feel warm around them, talking about music and school work and the old memes that Sirius refuses to let go. They make fun of their small town and talk about how they’re gonna move to the city, where the lights are brighter and the concerts are better. James collects pictures of Remus falling asleep in weird places, and in turn, Remus shows Lily a video of Sirius eating out of James’ navel that made her laugh so hard she snorted thick shake and it sprayed across the table.

James makes fun of her for her use of big words and pretends he isn’t watching the way her face lights up when she laughs. She blows bubble gum in his face and says things just to gross him out and high five Sirius for it. Marlene sits with them in the café on Thursdays when she’s free and they talk about James’ football matches and Sirius complains that they should gone to the pub’s open mic night instead. James agrees, but they all know that there’s nowhere Sirius would rather be than yelling from the bleachers.

Music classes are spent with the five of them riffing, Lily plucking the strings of her fender and writing down the chords that work, James joining in whenever a beat works.

Lily marvels at how well James and Sirius can fit together, Bass and drums forever in synch, always listening to the other, backbone of a song, the strongest link.

“What do you guys think we should write about?” Lily asks one afternoon in 4th period. They’re sitting in the band room with just the five of them (plus Pete who’s skipping gym to be their groupie.) She’s swinging her legs as she sits on the table and her hair is falling out of her braid to frame her face.

“Still think you should write us a theme song,” James replies. “ _Duh duh duh, we’re awesomeeeee, awesomeee boom boom,_ ” Marlene hits him playfully to shut him up.

“Nah, I reckon we gotta do something real,” Remus says, fingers absentmindedly hitting the keys of the piano.

“From experience and all that.” Sirius murmurs, somewhat sarcastically.

“Yeah, anyone go through heavy stuff this year?” Peter asks into the thoughtful silence.

“Evans? You’re the one with the way with words here,” James shrugs.

“How do you know that?” She raises a brow.

“I uh, listen when you have to do presentations…” He trails off, scratching his neck. “Read the poetry in the school paper.”

She nods and bites her lip. She then gets uncharacteristically quiet, sunny eyes suddenly duller, wider, sadder.

“I uh, I went through a break up not long ago,”

“Lil, you don’t have to…” Marlene starts, glancing at her protectively before fixing each of the boys with a cold glare.

“Nah, it’s all good, Mar, don’t worry. I’ll try and see if I can pull something from it.”

She picks up her guitar and starts riffing again as if nothing has been said.

When the bell rings, she jumps of the table and falls into step with James as they walk back to the lockers. Sirius and Peter run ahead trying to tape signs that say a string of inappropriate language onto each other. Remus and Marlene turn down the other corridor, animatedly talking about Jack White.

“Are you free Saturday?” She asks, fingers drawing spirals down the spine of her notebook.

He looks over at her through his hair, brow furrowed. “My football game finishes at 11, why?”

“I’ll come watch, and you can come with me to Spilt Milk after and help me the lyrics?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” He smirks.

“No.”

He faux frowns, then really frowns in confusion. “Then why ask me? I thought Remus would be better with words,”

She sighs, eyes wandering around the room as she tries to find a way to explain.

“Well…Remus and I are both good with technical, explanative words, like in essays.”

“You already write really good poetry, though,” He points out. “I’m sure Remus would be able to help with that,”

“Look, I love him, but he would also want to try and make it work melodically and get technical, and right now I wanna focus on getting the words right. And you’re always blunt when it comes to expressing how you feel about something. So do you want to help me or are you going to ask more questions?”

He looks shocked and she looks up at him as he stops in his tracks, middle of the hallway with eye-rolling teens moving around him to their lockers.

“Sounds good, Evans,”

“Thank you. I guess you’re not a total shithead.”

“…Was that a compliment?” His jaw drops open.

She ignores this remark. “I’m assuming the boys are already coming to the game?” she asks as she swings her back over her shoulder and closes her locker.

“Yeah, you can invite Marlene if you want too,” He says.

“Okay cool. Are you coming to my poetry reading? It’s at Murphy’s pub.”

He nods. As if he’d miss a chance to listen to her voice.

She’s smiling at him. He’s turning to mushy sludge.

“See you tonight, then.”

//

Her poem is about a pond in the middle of a field. He wonders how she manages to make a pond in the middle of a field feel so enchanting.

It’s not really about the pond, it’s about the complexity of adolescence, but James decides it would have deserved a standing ovation all the same.

She finishes speaking with a bitter end to her sentence, fragmented, and her lips have a slight tremor as she curtsies and exits the stage.

“Lily, that was beautiful,” Marlene says proudly and Remus murmurs in agreement. Lily looks at them warmly, hands still shaky.

“I didn’t get it. It was stupid,” Sirius says and wipes away the tear before Lily sees it.

“No, I really didn’t get it. What does a pond have in common with a teenager at all?” Pete asks, chewing on the straw of his drink.

“This is why you’re not in Literature class, Pete,” James says.

“It wasn’t shit,” He tells her.

“Unlike you,” she shoots back, smiling.

//

Saturday mornings are always strange things in October. Autumn begins to peak through, dreary but alight with life and small glimmerings of dew and sunlight. James always prefers playing in this, when the grass is damp and dewy but not yet muddy.

Lily is in the stands, clutching a cup of coffee, rings under her eyes. She’s still attentive, murmuring to Marlene and Remus as she watches the game.

Sirius brings a sign that says _POTTER FOR NATIONALS_ and has glitter across his cheeks, with an _I LOVE JAMES POTTER_ white shirt. (Admittedly, the shirt was because he lost a dare with James and now he has to wear it to every match. The overly glittery sign, however, was all his and Pete’s doing.)

Their team wins the game 5-3, and the 5 of them all have raw voices by the end of the game.

//

He’s still covered in mud afterwards, lily mumbling about how he’s staining the booth. The six of them all get celebratory thickshakes and hot chips and talk about how shit James wasn’t.

Slowly, the gang filters out, and by 1:30, Sirius mumbles something to James that Lily doesn’t hear, before raising an eyebrow and giving the waitress his number and exiting.

James looks at her for a moment.

“Stop staring,” She snaps as she pulls out her infamous notebook, which has flowers doodled onto the corners, she opens it, flicking through tea-stained pages, biting her lip.

“Wasn’t staring,” He snaps back. _Liar._

“So what have you got so far?”

Lily stares at the notebook and frowns, as if the open pages in front of her are an unsolvable problem. Perhaps they are.

“I… It’s a mess,” Her head falls into her hands for a moment, hair looking like a fire. Or Blood. James doesn’t know. “I can’t even try to puzzle all these margin notes without Randy,”

He’s puzzled. “Randy?”

She glares, but softly. Like she’s more frustrated at herself than at him. “My guitar.”

“That’s a shit name,”

“Like you could think of anything better,”

“Indie?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Like Indiana Jones?”

He nods, then slurps at the remainder of his thickshake.

This is where she rolls her eyes and pretends she doesn’t know that she’s gonna remember this moment years from now, her heartbeat in her throat and him across the table from her.

“You’re such a dork.”

He looks at her for a moment, drinking in her features. His gaze wanders to her lips. He thinks about kissing her, before realising he’s not supposed to be staring.

“Hey, can we actually do that?”

It takes him a second to realise she’s not talking about kissing. He wishes that the things that rolled off her tongue made more sense.

“H-huh?”

“Go back to my house so I can show you the lyrics with the chords?”

He smirks. “Inviting me over are you? That’s very forward,”

She closes the book and hits him with it.

“Idiot.”

“Just don’t try to fuck me if your parents are home, Evans.”

“Won’t be a problem.”

//

Her room is full of _her._

That’s such a stupid thing to think, he knows that much as he’s looking around at her things, but it’s true. There’s a record player on the dresser, _AM_ idly waiting to be played again, _Weezer_ strewn beside it. There are posters of her favourite bands, fairy lights hung across the bed, a leather jacket on the back of the door. Her nightstand has a copy of _The Great Gatsby_ and her vanilla lip balm on it, the room smells like her perfume. He thinks he might be drowning. In her.

The guitar – Randy – is sitting beside him, and he thinks about trying to play it. Reaching out to touch it feels a little dangerous, but he does it anyway. He’s always had a problem with touching artwork he’s not allowed to.

She comes back into the room with two cups of tea.

“Black with 2 sugars?” She asks, not looking at him as she sets them down.

“H-how did you know?” He raises an eyebrow. She picks up her guitar and opens the notebook.

“I remember stuff like that.”

He gets the feeling she isn’t about to elaborate. She’s already plucking on the guitar strings.

“Can I have a look at the lyrics?” He asks, cautiously.

She nods.

“I can sing what I’ve got so far if it’s easier.”

He smiles. Softly. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen her this quiet, as raw as honeycomb straight from the the hive. His pulse is throbbing electricity and he wonders if she can feel it too.

There’s a sharp inhale. She plucks at the guitar strings and begins to sing. It’s got this quiet melodic power to it, it’s croaky and her voice cracks, and something feels caught in her throat. The words seem to hurt a lot more now she’s singing them to someone else.

_I thought we were gonna be something_

_Something like in that fairy tale, the one you told me about when we were young,_

_Thought maybe you could be the one_

He sits there and he listens, watches her eyes close and her fingers pluck at the strings and how she’s biting her lip when she pauses. She sort of begins to shudder and he realises how much this song actually means to her.

It’s her form of moving on.

He reads over the lyrics as she sings them, and she’s singing about how she loved someone who probably never treated her well, but she thought they were going to work out.

He runs out of ways to describe it, the only words in his head are _beautiful, raw._

She finishes the song, fingers lift off the strings gently, and a tear slides down her cheek.

His hand slides into hers. He doesn’t know why, but it feels like the right thing to do. She doesn’t let go. They sit like that for a while.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that,” He says into the quiet.

She shrugs. “Don’t blame you,”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He looks down at the guitar so he doesn’t meet her gaze.

“I don’t know…It’s just… He was my best friend, you know?”

“It’s about Snape?”

Lily dated him last year, everyone knew that. But when he moved to Slytherin State School at the end of last year, no one knew if they’d broken up or not. No one really asked.

“We met when we were young, and he was my _best friend._ He…He always felt like this sure thing, concreted into my future. So obviously when we started dating, I thought that maybe we would be that couple that ended up together. But…”

She sniffles. He keeps holding her hand. He listens. Something in his heart feels tight and achy at the thought of her being in pain. He hates that she’s feeling this.

“But he ended up turning into a huge jerk, hanging out with these dickheads in a gang, He became so much like them, it was scary. And when I tried to confront him about it… He hit me.”

“I’m so sorry.” It’s a shit response, they both know it, but what’s he supposed to say? He feels the hand that isn’t holding Lily’s ball into a fist.

“It’s okay. I ended it with him after that and he moved schools to be with his friends, but it really hurt me. I thought we were gonna last a lot longer than that. He was such a big part of my life for so long, my _best friend…_ And I… I really loved him.”

James nods. “I’m not going to give you the cliché ‘we’re teenagers and you’ll find someone new, he was an asshole and you deserve better’ speech, cuz I think you know all that already,” He says slowly. “But I know it’ll get better.”

She smiles and grips his hand tighter. “Thank you. The song has really helped, too. It’s… an open letter of everything I want to say to him, I think.”

“Yeah. This sort of therapy would have been great after I broke up with Daisy,”

She blinks. “Daisy?”

“Yeah, I dated her for a while last year. I was really cut up, cuz she broke up with me the day before the school dance, so I had to go stag at the last minute.” He finger guns.

“That’s awful,”

He shrugs. “We weren’t really good for each other anyway. I just… That one hurt me.”

“Not gonna lie, sounds like something Daisy Buchanan would do. Maybe it runs in the name,” She muses.

His eyebrows furrow. “Who?”

“From the Great Gatsby.”

He shakes his head, because _of course_ she brings a book reference into it. He finds himself leaning a little closer to her, his breath warming up her face, steady. Although her heartbeat is not.

Every inch of her body wants to kiss him. She knows this, but it feels strange, because there, right between them, is the notebook, her heart, an open wound, and the metaphor feels too strong to ignore.

She pulls away and exhales, tucking her hair behind her ear.

He pretends he wasn’t also holding his breath and clears his throat. He then picks up Randy and strums randomly.

She perks up a little. “Do you want me to teach you some chords?”

//

He keeps showing up at her house on Wednesday afternoons so she can teach him more guitar, and sometimes she stays for dinner at his house so she can learn the drums and work on the lyrics with him, and she learns to share her notebook, something that’s been special and hers for so long. She gets a job at Spilt Milk when she hands in her resume and the owner recognises that she’s a regular. So she organises to have her Saturday shift end after each of James’ soccer games, shouting them all thick shakes as the gang tumbles into the café. On Friday nights, they all pile over to James’ or Marlene’s or Peter’s and play the Xbox and order pizza while yelling about music and who’s fucking who. Sirius and Lily get into a competition to see who can eat the most pizza rolls and Lily wins. James has to hand Remus $5. Peter learns the recipe and starts bringing them to every hangout and it makes Marlene so happy she kisses him on the cheek. Remus and Lily have study sessions before poetry club on Thursday where they sort of study, but mostly end up talking about the deep shit in the corner of the library where no one can hear.

Music is the last class of the day on Wednesdays and so McGonagall lets them work on their songs, occasionally coming in to check on them. Sometimes she’ll walk in and they’re discussing what works and what doesn’t, sometimes they’re halfway through a rehearsal, and sometimes they’re yelling about minor plagal cadences and which key is the most superior. She once even caught them sword fighting with the boom whackers.

One afternoon in early November, Lily’s working on the chord progression, humming while she does so.

“You know, ginger, you’re not half bad at singing,” Sirius says as he tunes his bass.

“Thanks, Black,” She pokes her tongue out at him.

“Lil, do you want to do the original song with me? Like our vocals could actually work really well,” Marlene cuts in.

“I mean if it works with everyone else,” there’s murmurs of agreement and James stops noticing that he’s watching the way her fingers glide across the strings as she changes chords. Sirius notices that James is noticing and shoots him a disapproving _mate you’re done for stop lying to yourself_ look. He pretends not to see it.

McGonagall comes in again and hums in agreement when Lily and Marlene are harmonising, pretending not to be impressed, instead sharing a look with Remus. A _things are going well, then_ look.

After another run through of the songs, they start packing up and Sirius says “Apparently Dirk Creswell is having a going away party this weekend, do y’all fancy going?”

“Don’t say ‘y’all,’ Sirius,” Remus groans.

The rest of the group collectively murmur. “That sounds solid,”

“Sure, I’m in,” Lily’s swinging her legs as she sits on the table again, quiet curiosity humming through her. She drums out a beat with her fingers on the counter top, the one like her heartbeat, because James is looking at her like that again. She stops drumming and he tries to slow his own heartbeat. It stops completely when she bites her lip, and Remus taps him on the shoulder to snap him out of it.

“You’re fucked,” He whispers.

“I’m well aware,”

//

Dirk Creswell has a huge house that’s adjourned with fairy lights and the humming of teenage socialites. Lily looks at the house for a moment before going in, admiring how the lights look and how the dust floats around the streetlights in the chilly air.

Remus and Peter are playing an intense game of chess that involves taking a shot every time they lose a piece and they make small talk as they do so. James and Sirius are by the liquor, beers in hand, talking to Mary and Marlene about the latest episode of _the bachelor._ When Lily approaches them, James shuts his jaw and pretends not to know about anything they’re talking about.

Mary passes Lily a cider and Sirius whacks James over the face. “DON’T PRETEND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE BACHELOR WHEN YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST TELLING ME HE BELONGS WITH SIERRA!”

Lily’s laughing so hard her nose crinkles, and takes a sip of her cider while she looks at James’ face of concede.

“I reckon he’s going to pick Josie,”

She’s got a beaming smile on her face, a red floral dress on and her hair rolls off her back in waves.

James is just looking at her in awe. That’s all it takes. How is she everything at once?

The rest of the night passes by in a blur. They drink and drink and dance and drink and soon the alcohol makes them so warm it’s serving as the coats on their backs. Remus and Peter get in a fight about the chess game, but it ends when Sirius, who’s a _little_ tipsy stands on the board and starts a group singing of _All Star_ when it comes on the stereo.

After that, Remus ends up so drunk he’s playing the piano upside down, there’s group renditions of _Africa_ and _Shake it_ and Lily and Marlene and Mary sing y _ou belong with me_ out of tune.

By midnight, Andromeda Black has snuck upstairs to see her boyfriend, Alice Fortescue and Frank Longbottom are in the corner making out and Sirius has won $50 of black jack money and no one knows how he’s done it.

Almost everyone is in the backyard by this point, but Lily and James sit on the edge of the dancefloor and clutch their cups. Almost as if on cue, a slow song comes on and Lily mumbles an ‘ _I love this song.’_

James stands up ceremoniously. “Guess we gotta dance then, Lil,” he holds out a hand and she takes it, swaying with him slowly.

“This is no #1 party anthem,” he remarks. She snorts.

“No, but I love daughter with my whole heart.”

“Fair. Her voice is very haunting,”

“God, I know right. And these lyrics, man. They _hurt._ ”

_But I want you so much, but I hate your guts._

She looks at him, green eyes into hazel and realises just how far she’s falling. No one knows her quite like him and no one has made her feel this way. The guilt is eating at her, nothing makes sense and she’s certainly drunk, but he feels like home. Which is awful, because she’s supposed to be angry and heartbroken over Severus and yet all she does is think about James.

So she pushes him away, stumbling away on shaking legs to the bathroom. She grabs another drink as she does so and the world seems to spin out of focus.

Sirius has another beer in his hand as he watches the scene, how James is looking at her as she goes.

“Jim.”

James glances at him.

“You’re going to go after her aren’t you?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re fucking in love with her and you’re stupid.”

James can only nod. “As if I could ever be anything else,”

//

He knows it’s a bad idea the moment he steps into the bathroom with her. There’s an empty vodka bottle by the sink and Lily looks both sorrowful and pensive.

“Lil,” It’s soft, more than soft, she’s leaning against the counter like a lifeline, back against the cupboard and hair in her face. Her makeup is dark and smudged and her eyes her eyes are the greenest green James will ever know.

“James,” she breathes back, slurring slightly so it’s more like “jaaaamesss” but he doesn’t care. She’s still so jagged and soft at once and he doesn’t know how she manages to be a walking contradiction.

“Are you okay?” He sits on the edge of the bath, cold porcelain on his hands.

“No,” She coughs, swaying. “It’s stupid.”

“What is?” something is stuck in his throat, maybe it’s the bourbon that’s still burning, maybe it’s something he ate, but maybe it’s the words he’s been trying to push down, trying to dry swallow. The words Sirius said out loud and he can’t stop thinking, _I love her I love her I love her._

“Me… you. You’re stupid.”

He has to chuckle at this, hair falling into his hair as he does. He watches her frown at this.

“Me?”

“You,”

He stands up and catches her because she’s swaying again, and he can’t let her fall.

She’s cold like the porcelain of the bath, but so much more holy. He’s feeling the curve and the crook of her spine beneath his fingertips and her breath is on his face, vodka and whiskey and whatever else her stupid ass drank to forget. Forget what, he doesn’t know.

“You’re so stupid. You-” She inhales. “You think that MCR is better than Green Day and Africa is your favourite song, but not because of the irony. You-” She pauses to swallow, like she has words caught in her throat too. She pokes his cheek. He has to resist a smile because he’s too baffled.

“You have this _obsession_ with Indiana Jones and your fingers are always drumming because you love drumming more than your body loves breathing. You’re so cute, you smile when you think no one is looking and your hair does the thing,”  
“The thing?”

She mockingly puts her hair over her face like his falls into his sometimes.

“The thing,” She swallows once more.

“It’s stupid, you’re cute and you make me forget why I’ve been aching for so long, that’s scary, and I’m stupid for letting you make me forget. So _stupid_.” She forces out the last _stupid_ , all the words finally out of her throat.

“You’re right,” He says.

She’s looking at him like _that_ again, bright green eyes into hazel once more, everything’s sort of hazy for her but all she’s thinking about is how warm she is and how she’s sort of in his arms and how safe it is. Electrifying. Wrong. But somehow still safe.

Her skin is warmer now it’s been subjected to his touch, and he can see the cracks in her lips and the quirks of her eyebrows and all the little freckles across her nose. He’s too close, too close. He was always in trouble for getting too close to the artwork. This is a whole new level of wrong.

She lets him stay close, arms around his neck, because he’s so much steadier than a counter anyway.

She’s drunk and he’s out of his mind, but he kisses her anyway, wrong and right and safe and dangerous and they can’t even hear buddy holly playing in the background because they’re too lost in each other’s lips.

Hazy and out of breath, they kiss in the bathroom of a party as the music blasts around them. Sirius and Peter will ask where they are and they won’t hear. And Lily won’t remember in the morning anyway.

//

Lily wakes up in Marlene’s bed the next morning, and everything _aches_ of a hangover. Mary is on a mattress on the floor, tiredly scrolling through her phone. Frankly, she looks shit.

Lily rubs her eyes and Marlene stirs beside her. “What even happened last night? How did we get here?”

Marlene looks just as frazzled. “I think we walked. Dirk’s is only around the corner,”

She nods. “Did Remus really play the piano upside down last night or was that just me?”

The three laugh. “No that really happened. And Pete really did try to eat a chess piece, and Sirius really did steal everyone’s hats.” Mary replies, smiling.

“How did they end up getting home?” Lily asks. She doesn’t remember leaving, but she remembers it was after 3. So she can only hope the boys are okay.

“I think James and Sirius got a cab home together after 1.” Marlene recalls. Lily can’t help but think something’s off.

“Did something happen at midnight?” she asks. There’s a bruise on her neck.

The other two shake their heads. “No, why?”

“It feels like I’m missing something,”

//

Monday is hell.

No one really wants to talk, and Lily is late, misses the bus, has to get the shitty canteen coffee, and then spills it all over herself. And her English notes. And since Remus goes home sick before 2nd period, there’s no one to share notes with. Lily thinks this is probably the shittiest day ever.

And James doesn’t talk to her at all.

Sure, he’s good at hiding it, deflecting questions and comments to the others and excusing himself before he has to talk to her, but Lily notices. It hasn’t even before an entire day before she’s pissed off at him. And she misses him.

It’s after film class at the end of the day when James is speeding off ahead of them that Lily yanks Sirius’ sleeve.

“Ouch, Evans.”

“Okay, Black, what the _fuck_ is going on?”

“What do you mean?

She glares at him.

“James. He’s been avoiding me all day and everyone is in a bad mood and I know you know what’s happening and if you don’t tell me I swear to _god_ I’ll rip your balls off.”

Sirius grips her shoulders in reassurance. “Ginger, calm down, okay? We’re all just on a bit of a low after the weekend. I promise it’s nothing to worry about.”

Lily exhales in time with Sirius. “But what about James?”

He raises a brow. “Why are you so worried about James huh?”

She falters for a moment, before her gaze hardens. “I’m not. I just want to know why he’s being such an asshole,”

He chuckles, not believing a word of it. “I’ll find out why he’s being an asshole, okay? But he’s probably just having a bad day.”

Lily folds her arms and walks over to her locker. “Well if that’s the case, tell him that a bad day is not a good enough reason to be a dick. Thanks.”

//

He won’t say that he feels guilty. Not to her at least.

“I will actually cut your dick off if you don’t tell her,” Sirius says on the Tuesday afternoon when they’re smoking outside James’ studio.

“And what do I say, Sirius? ‘Oh by the way, Lily, I’m in love with you and you were drunk and I took advantage of that and made out with you even though you’re still hung up on Severus.’ Yes, Sirius, _great plan._ ”

Then, as an afterthought; “And it clearly didn’t mean that much to her if she was too drunk to remember,”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “You were drunk too. You don’t remember all of it either,”

He knows this. After 1am when he left the bathroom, Sirius had to peel his panicked ass off the footpath and call a cab. Which was extremely difficult since Sirius still drunk and probably high.

“Sirius, mate I fucked up,” James had told him after Sirius stopped arguing with the cab driver about the address and hung up the phone.

“And what did you do? Did you not kiss the damn girl?” Sirius had asked, swigging the bottle he’d still been holding.

James’ face fell into his hands. “I did. I kissed her many times.”

There had been a messy clap on the back. “So… what’s the problem?”

That night is still so hazy in so many ways, but now, in their backyard on a Tuesday afternoon, James doesn’t think he can ever forget kissing her like that.

“Look, Sirius, I just can’t.”

“So… you’re just going to be more of a dick and avoid her and make her think she’s done something wrong?”

James huffs and a puff of smoke comes with it.

“I hate it when you’re right,”

//

He doesn’t get to explain, because by Wednesday morning, Lily decides she’s had enough and she comes barrelling towards him.

“Are you right?” he raises an eyebrow and tries to ignore his heart beating faster because of how close to him she is.

“No. Look James,” She’s looking at him with this fierce determination and her heart is also beating really fast because _god this hurts_ and he’ll never know that because he just keeps thinking _I love her I’m fucked man I fucked up_ as he drowns in her.

“James, I don’t know why you suddenly have a problem with me, and I’m gonna be honest, it stings. But its fine-” James’ eyes widen. _Oh no Lily I don’t hate you oh my god…_

“But all I ask is that you push whatever it is aside until our music performance is done. That’s all.”

“Wait, Lily, no, I don’t- It’s not-” He’s trying to explain but the morning air gets caught in his throat along with her scent and he’s lost.

“No, James, it’s fine, okay? See you in aamusic.” She walks away before she can start crying, and he’s left standing in the hallway on a Wednesday morning feeling like he’s never fucked up more in his whole life.

//

“Alright Pete, do you know what’s happening with James and Lily?” Marlene is looking at Pete right in the eye and Peter just gulps. Math class is suddenly scary now Marlene is interrogating him.

“No? Why?”

Marlene and Mary make eye contact and frown, before Mary rounds on Remus.

“What do you know?”

Remus doesn’t look up from his work, instead focused on his graph. Despite this, he seems quite amused. “I don’t know any more than you do. Lily and James both want to bone the other but something’s going on and now they’re avoiding each other.”

“Didn’t expect _you_ to be so blunt,” Mary remarks with a grin.  

“No one ever does.” Peter mutters and Remus smirks.

“I think Sirius will know more than me, he was with James just before all of the shit went down. And he doesn’t seem pleased with James at the moment either.”

“Neither is Lily, she thinks James hates her and she’s trying to be mature about it but it’s killing her.” Marlene bites her lip and sticks her head down, pretending to also be working on her graph when Mr. Fliwitck glares at her.

“Which is why we have to figure out what’s up,”

Mary rests her head in her hands. “God, they’re idiots.”

//

They’re in the cafeteria and notice them skirt around each other in the line. Marlene’s face falls into her hands. “I’m going to punch them both in the face, this is ridiculous,”

//

“I don’t hate you,” he says quietly in music. She’s strumming at the guitar. Everything feels dissonant.

“I know you don’t,” She says. _But you clearly don’t think about me the way I think about you._

He’s thinking about kissing her and everything hurts.

“I adjusted the lyrics a little bit guys, I hope it still works,”

“That’s a really late change, Lil, performance is next week,” Marlene is biting her lip.

“I know.” Lily looks down. “I promise it’ll still work, let’s give it a run through.” She hands Marlene the notebook, and she quickly skims over the changes and the annotations where the notes have been changed. She murmurs something to Lil, who nods.

There’s a split second where Remus and Marlene blink at each other suggestively, but James and Lily both miss it.

And when she starts strumming the guitar again, James and Sirius find their time with drums and bass, Remus starts his piece on the keyboard, and Marlene begins to sing. And it doesn’t feel so dissonant anymore. Even if James is too busy trying not to stare at Lily to listen to the new lyrics she wrote.

Sirius would later call him an idiot for that.

//

Performance night is different from every rehearsal. The lights are brighter, and it feels less like home. More electric. Marlene is clutching the microphone, smiling softly. Remus sets up his keyboard, Lily does the same with Randy. There was no way she was playing without Randy tonight. She makes sure her mic is right. Sirius makes sure his bass in tune and they collectively inhale.

“Our first song is an original called ‘in my bones.’ We hope you like it.” Marlene clears her throat as the lights come up, illuminating them all. Lily’s heart pounds. James counts them in.

It’s not exactly as they rehearsed. Lily is shaky and her mic is too quiet in the beginning, and Remus screws up a couple of notes, but no one seems to notice. James finally starts to listen to the lyrics Lily wrote, and the beat starts to match his heart when he realises she wrote them about him.

_“Bathroom at midnight,_

_Kisses I thought were wrong,_

_Electric, new_

_You’re in my bones_

_Ignite me,”_

He wants to kick himself for not seeing sooner.

Lily turns to him while she’s singing with Marlene, just for a second, and she smiles. She smiles that sad, beautiful smile. He understands.

The song ends and she pretends she didn’t shed a tear. The audience notice and they cheer as the song finishes. James cheers the loudest.

He then counts them in for the second song.

Lily starts strumming, and Marlene starts singing.

_“Is it everything that she does?_

_That gets me going,_

_Maybe it’s love,_

_She tastes like summer_

_And she smiles like May,_

_Every night in my dreams, I dream_

_We’ll be one day._

_She tastes like summer to me.”_

And James has never believed the lyrics more.

The song ends and they all get to exhale.

//

James catches her after the performance, when Frank Longbottom’s group start playing Weezer. He’s got this dumb grin on his face and he thinks _Buddy Holly_ is kind of the perfect song.

“James,” she breathes, her heartbeat is in her throat from the performance. He’s looking at her and he’s finally figured it out. And this is terrifying.

“Lily, I don’t hate you. You make me crazy, cuz you think take on me is better than Africa, and I’m right pissed you didn’t name your guitar Indie, but-” he’s looking at her, her hair damply pressed to her forehead, like she’s some sort of wonder instead of a messy teenager.

“But I think you’re everything that I want.”

She kisses him, not drunk, heart still beating at a thousand a minute, backstage of their music assessment show. And he kisses back.

And he thinks, in the back of his mind, that she does taste like summer, like salt and strawberries and sunshine.

And she thinks what’s been in her head for weeks, since she wrote that damn song.

_I love him I love him I love him._

Sirius walks around the corner, Remus, Marlene and Pete in tow.  

“About fuckin’ time.”

Lily, without breaking away from James, gives him the finger.

“I considered making a sexual tension playlist for you two, Jesus,” Remus deadpans.

“Oh, I already have,” Sirius replies. James finally breaks away to hit him.

“I would like to take partial credit for this,” Marlene laughs, chucking Lily a condom from her pocket.

“Oh, fuck off.”

She doesn’t mean it though, because she’s holding his hand and the world feels right.

//

_She finally remembers how to breathe when she’s around him._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> BONUS: [listen to sirius' Sexual Tension playlist here](https://open.spotify.com/user/phoenixintheashes/playlist/39PsGoiNcEJKVWvP1feclW?si=7RBhtK_cR-qyW6fgGJqPRQ)


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